Hi everyone it's Laylaa and I am here to do the blog post I have been saying I was gonna do for the longest time. This is a very emotional post for me and maybe some of you. So I am going to start with the story of how it all happened.
It was Monday March7,2011 I was having an okay day and had a bad feeling about my abuelo, but I thought he was gonna be okay. So I continued my day and got a ride from a friend to school that day, and ride from another friend home that day. So it is 8:04 at night and I am watching pretty little liars so excited when my mom walks in my room and tells me to the lower the T.V., and not to freak out, But I didn't think abuelo was dead, I thought my mom was gonna say he is finally out of the hospital, but instead she said "he's gone", and walks out my room. In that second my entire world had changed, and fallen apart. I was crying and cried myself to sleep, and just couldn't deal with it. So the next day I went to school, and cried when I saw my friends it was heartbreaking everything hurt. So then I went to my first class, and my teacher asked me how he was and I just shook my head and cried. People who I thought were my friends walked into that class, and made me feel better. By the time I was only halfway into school I couldn't deal so I called my mom to take me home. I went home and took a nap hoping I would wake up, and this was all a dream, but at 3:07 I woke up to a text from my friend, but really it was my other friend, and he was her boyfriend. This guy was/is my first love he asked how I was doing, told me he is in a better place, and that I will be with him one day,and he told me if you ever need anything just ask his girlfriend for his number, and to talk to him because his ears were open, and he knew just how it felt, because he lost someone to his dad. I would smile at those text he sent me, because they made me feel so much better, and like someone cared about me, and wanted to be there for me. The next day came, and I didn't go to school, and he texted me again through her phone, and didn't know it was him, until he said it was him, and it made me smile so hard like I hadn't in so long, but then I just started to cry so hard on my bed, and felt like my heart was gonna explode, but little did I know it already did. I went to school the next day,and, walked from the park to school and he was there and we walked together and cried and he was just so nice,and then I put a mask on in front of everyone else but really I wasn't happy. The next week came and it was spring break, and my mom didn't go with us on vacation so I felt all alone, and I asked that girl for his number, and texted him and we texted for so long each day. It got to the point where we asked each other really personal questions. He was my brick wall, and if he left me I would break more than I already was. But soon I became depressed, dancing wouldn't help with my pain, and I lost weight because food didn't interest me anymore. Me, and the guy started getting angry with eachother. I would be called into the counselors office, asked if I was eating, and all this other stuff, soon I was called into the other counselor who is there for when things just start to get really bad in your life. Me and the guy said horrible things to eachother he called me a *****. I told him he just like to play games with me, and he got mad and said you think I'm like that well I'm not I actualled cared about you. You don't know anything about me. He said so many horrible things about me. It got to the point where in class I exploded at him, and everyone else. I was in the office again. I cried so hard that day. I was in the second counselor's office I mentioned, so many times, and when I got called to go there everyone would make fun of me. I got anxiety attacks around those people, and also panic attacks it was really bad. My mom took me to therapy. Sooner I got better, but it still hurts. I still cry. I still think about abuelo. I get mad at abuelo asking why he didn't take care of himself. I just was angry. But now I am happier, but I will always be sad in my life, and he will always be with me. It will always be hard, and I'm not going to tell you to stop cring but one day it will get easier. You will always think about that person just like I think about my abuelo. But I will be honest and say that I still care about that guy, but I know it was wrong what he did. I want to be happy, and I am, but I will always have that sadness in my life because of my abuelo, because when he died a part of me died with him. There is an empty hole in my heart, but before I just wanted to fill that hole up, but now I know nothing ever will fill it up. Abuelo was my rock, and meant almost the entire world to me. I was his princess, his baby, his favorite, he loved so much, and did so much with me, he did anythink I asked him to, like this one time when I wanted McDonald's and he took me to go get it, and we played games with each other, and laughed, he took care of me so much, he is like a second father to me, and no one will ever be able to replace him. I will always love you abuelo, and R.I.P. I will be with you one day again.
I want to say I am a religious person,and if it wasn't for God I wouldn't be happy again. I also know now that God took my abuelo away because he was in pain, and he took my abuelo away with no pain. I also know that God has my abuelo in heaven because my abuelo was a good man, and had so much faith in God. Also because my abuelo had such a great heart, actually the best heart in the world. I also know that my abuelo is making heaven a better place for me and my family.
I wish anyone who has lost someone the best to getting better, and my prayer, thoughts, and love go to you. I love you all. Also I love you Ashley nad I know it was hard for you when your aunt died, and you are my best friend, and you were there for me when abuelo died, and I'll be here for you whenever you need someone to talk to about this.
Also if you feel like you can't talk to your parent, I know how that feels, and youcan talk to me or Ashley.
XOX- Spontaneous Us
No comments:
Post a Comment